7th December 2024
How do you motivate your teenager to stick to their revision schedule? Once the initial burst of enthusiasm has worn off, do you turn to pleading, bribery, punishments or switching off yourself? Getting your child’s buy-in on any strategies is the key to implementing a successful revision plan. In this article I discuss some of the ways that you can help keep your child on track, while maintaining a happy household.
You’ve worked with your child to create a timetable that works for them (and you!), you’ve made sure they have a quiet space to work in, and you’ve agreed a spread of subjects that keeps things interesting for them. But, after a couple of days of positivity, it is gradually harder to get your teenager out of bed in the morning, they’re found scrolling aimlessly, or saying they’ll do it later… Then follows parental nagging, argumentative teenagers and an atmosphere you could cut with a knife. What do you do? Will you
- Force them to sit at the table until the day’s work is done? You’ve agreed on what needs to be covered so they must stick to it, even if it takes all day.
- Tell them you’ll give them money for every day they complete as planned. Everyone’s motivated by a bit of cash in the bank, aren’t they?
- Ignore them. You’ve done your bit by helping them plan, it’s their problem now if they want to fail all their exams.
Here’s my view on the consequences of using the above strategies:
- You will have a house full of conflict, and the revision won’t get done.
- You’ll be drawn into an ever-increasing spiral of bribery, and the revision won’t get done.
- You’ll have given implicit permission for nothing to be done, so the revision won’t get done.
Clearly, none of the above outcomes are ideal. But there is a middle ground, a way of navigating the revision process that doesn’t result in you being the tyrant, broke, or ignored. Teenagers often feel that life happens to them, their parents don’t understand, and are imposing outdated rules on them. While you clearly shouldn’t take option 3 and just give up, it is also really important that you show that you are supportive, flexible and understanding. Try starting conversations with:
“It seems like you’re finding it difficult to get started on your revision in the mornings. Would it help if I woke you earlier, or shall we see if we can shift the schedule a bit so that you can still lie in, and get the work done?”
“I feel that you’re frustrated with your revision. Can you tell me about why it’s not working for you? What can I do to help?”
“It looks like you need a bit of motivation to stick to your revision schedule. I imagine your friends are having the same problem. Shall we organise to have a few friends round in a few days, to give you some down time together?”
Conversations that start with “I feel”, or “I’ve noticed”, or simply “How can I help?” are more likely to result in positive engagement from your child than conversations that start with “You are” or “You aren’t”, which can feel personal and accusatory. Taking the former approach makes sure that your teenager feels understood and that you’re on their side in getting them through this phase. Show your child that you have their back and the whole family is supporting them. Plan fun events outside of revision time, and ask your teen what they would like to be doing during these times. Pick up a bit of household slack while they’re working hard: if you insist on your child emptying the dishwasher, changing their sheets, putting out the bins (or whatever) then they may feel put upon and be less inclined to revise properly. Explaining that they don’t have to do their chores while they’re revising is a great motivator, without having to resort to blatant bribery. If things are really not going well, then I would offer to discuss the practicalities of the plan you’ve made, and look to reduce the number of revising sessions.
Maintaining a good relationship with your child through revision is essential. If you need to raise the tricky topic of why they aren’t sticking to their revision schedule, make sure you only start a conversation when you are both calm and in a constructive frame of mind. If they feel stressed and argumentative, they won’t be able to discuss sensibly or work effectively anyway, so it’s a double whammy of negativity. But this does not mean being a pushover; teenagers need boundaries to operate in, it helps them feel safe. All your help and encouragement should come from a place of support and understanding.
As with all the advice I’ve given, there is no magic one-size-fits-all solution to supporting and motivating your child. When they’re in an amenable mood, why don’t you ask them what approach they would like you to take? They may just surprise you!
